Growing older has never bothered me that much because I’ve always felt it’s infinitely better than the alternative. But I’m going to turn 40 in about six months and I feel myself getting a little anxious. Turning 30 was a much more abrupt transition because I’d become a parent, and nothing has changed my world so instantly and irrevocably as breeding. But the next decade after 40 is … 50, and that’s most definitely middle-aged. Which means I’m going to become more and more like my parents, something I’ve actively been trying to avoid for the past 20 years.
Here are some reasons I’m starting to feel like I’ve started on my inevitable journey to my dotage:
- I can’t hold my alcohol. I was either pregnant or breastfeeding for a span of five straight years in my late 20s to nearly mid 30s. After I weaned my son, I tried drinking again and my body informed me that I had a hilarious sense of humor. My limit is two drinks. For the evening. (Give me a moment while I recall when “two drinks” meant double-fisting.) I only have those evenings maybe once a month.
- I prefer going to someone’s house and socializing with a small group of people rather than going to a bar. My two drinks are a lot cheaper, I actually can hear what other people are saying and the food usually is better.
- I watch television with the subtitles on. It used to be just for the British shows that I watched, then the shows I would watch when the kids were napping and the TV volume needed to be low, then I convinced myself that it was helping the kids to learn how to read, and now I’m slightly disappointed when I go to the movies and have to actively listen to the dialogue instead of relying on closed captioning.
- My body is slowly starting to give out. My last few Amazon searches included “body posture pillow”, “shoe inserts for heavy pronation” and “foot scrubs.” (My feet resemble a heavily calloused topographical map.)
- I rarely go to concerts anymore, but when I do I like to sit down like a civilized person to enjoy the music and hear what the artist has to say between songs.
- I don’t like to tailgate before going to see baseball games because I could be missing out on batting practice and I don’t want to waste my two drinks before the game, that blissful period when The Phillies Are Not Losing Yet.
- I’m still incredibly awkward, but I’m rapidly reaching the point where I am running out of shits to give. I consider this a life goal I’m looking to achieving sooner rather later.