In Honor of Mother’s Day, Please Stop Taking Passive-Aggressive Shots at Moms

We belong to an interesting culture that simultaneously makes motherhood an ideal and skewers those who have achieved that goal. It’s not just men and it’s not just women, either: the people who have uttered possibly the least supportive (and completely unsolicited) statements to me have been other mothers. I don’t know if it’s just a way of masking their own insecurity in an aggressive manner or they completely forget how overwhelming and vulnerable motherhood is.

Anyway, here are some things that people have said to me over the past 10-plus years of being a mom, and my Mother’s Day wish is that no one else has to hear them. (Statements are usually accompanied by gasping and pearl-clutching.)

  1. I don’t want to see you back in a delivery room until your newborn is walking at the very earliest.
  2. You’re not going back to work, are you.
  3. You’re not staying home and giving up on your career, are you.
  4. Your child’s a year old, you’re going to stop breastfeeding now, right?
  5. You don’t know how easy you have it. We didn’t have cell phones back then.
  6. I don’t understand why you just can’t pump in the bathroom.
  7. You realize how awful daycare is, right? Surely you can afford a nanny.
  8. When are you going to have your second?
  9. You can’t have just one baby!
  10. You think it’s hard juggling two kids’ schedules? We had twice as many kids as you.
  11. We don’t want to disturb your husband at his job so that’s why we are calling you at yours.
  12. Staying home is a job, too, of course.
  13. Oh, is your husband babysitting your kids today?
  14. I told my daughter the only two careers she could have as a mom are a teacher or a nurse.
  15. Why aren’t you sending your children to private school? Public school is the worst.
  16. Why do your kids ride the bus to school? You know what happens on those buses.
  17. What do you mean, you don’t take your kids to church? 
  18. Why do you let your son play with girl toys?
  19. Why do you let your daughter play with boy toys?
  20. Are you done having children?
In Honor of Mother’s Day, Please Stop Taking Passive-Aggressive Shots at Moms

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