Happy New Year! Here Are the Latest Headlines From the Online Offal Observer

Area Woman’s Brilliant Friends Are Planning to Call Their Google Home “KITT” And She Is Secretly Upset She Didn’t Think of That First (She Doesn’t Own or Plan to Own a Google Home)

Child Who Loudly Complained About Dinner for a Good Thirty Minutes Is Puzzled His Mother Is Ignoring Him and Drinking a Beer

Child Who Was Disappointed She Had to Go to School Yet Had an Early Dismissal Due to Inclement Weather Is Now Bored

UPDATE: Bored Child Who Procrastinated on Schoolwork Is Now Miserable

Child Who Threw a Fit Last Night at Dinner Because Vegetables Are Gross Eats All Kinds of Ice En Route to Bus Stop

SAFETY CORNER: It’s Been 0 Days Since I’ve Stepped on a LEGO

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Happy New Year! Here Are the Latest Headlines From the Online Offal Observer

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